“Are you planning?”

When you’ve been married nearly 3 years, the main question you get asked here is “are you planning”. Planning what? Planning a family. Before I even start my rant I have to say  – what the hell kind of question is that? Why do they say “planning”? What an annoying word. When people ask me this, firstly, I think, why is this your concern. Secondly, why should I be planning anything? What if I were so care-free that without even planning anything, I pop out a child? Or three? What is it to you? Thirdly, what do you want me to say? Yes, I am planning. In fact, I am going to grab my husband, leave this wedding we have just arrived at, run over to the closest quiet spot we can find, get out of this sari that took me 1 hour to get into (jewellery and all too), and ravish him. Right now. Just so that we can stick to the plan. Happy?

When we, the couple, the married-for-3-years-without-a-baby type people, aren’t bothered about having children yet, why do other people decide that we should be? Why are they worried for us? If we do have a child, will they be there to help change a diaper? Wipe the poo off the baby’s bum? Will they wake up at crap o’clock to shut the baby up so that I can sleep? Probably not. I bet they would then become the type of people who talk behind our backs saying what terrible children we have. “Oh look, there’s that girl with her awful crying, biting, drooling baby, let’s leave before they come over here and ruin my sari” I’m pretty sure we have all thought that. The other day, we went to some kind of engagement do. Kids were running all around us. While some people think it’s cute, we are the kind that think it’s just bleh. Not interesting, not cool, not cute. Definitely not for us yet.

I’ve met people who are trying to have babies or have just had babies. While most of them are quite happy with their miniature versions, some of them get into it for the wrong reason. Like those who get pregnant because their parents thought they should. Or the husband wants a baby, cos he’s older, and wants to be just 45 when the baby is a teenager. (This type of situation pisses me off too – just because you are an old fart does not mean your wife should have a child. Who asked you to get married to a baby when you’re practically middle-aged you crazy man? You should have thought about it more!) Just because someone else wants you to carry a baby around for 9 months, doesn’t mean you should do it! What do you want? It’s this massive commitment, pretty much forever! What if these girls were working too or have these super busy, great lives? Would they be allowed to go back to work, or would their parents, or husbands, or whoever, say nope, stay home and take care of the baby? Would they listen then too? It’s not a bad thing at all, taking care of a child, but what if you’re all alone doing it after? And all those people who forced you to have a child don’t care now you’ve had one. Your job is done. You have procreated. Other people then just look at this baby from far away and said aww, cute baby. That would just be sad. What would happen then? Would these women continue to be happy about everything in the world, because they should? Or would they secretly, somewhere in the back of their mind be upset that they have done everything they were told to do, and yet feel a bit incomplete? Would they feel that way at all? Or is it just me thinking that this is what their lives might be like? I’m not saying it’s impossible to continue with your own lives after, there’s a lot of people that do it well, they have these kids super young, get on with their lives, and make everything work fantastically!
I think when we eventually decide to plan, we probably won’t announce it to people at engagements and weddings and birthday parties. Obviously, we’d both have to want a child, and should be happy about it. Also, we need to get travelling done, because there’s no way in hell that I am ever travelling again with a baby. Until it’s (or he/she) at least 10 years old. I refuse to be that person on the plane with the annoying crying child. Of course, my child shall not be annoying, and shall have good, clean habits, be calm and collected, and have a good sense of humour too, but these things can go wrong…