It’s been a while since my last post. Actually, a lot longer than a while. I recently found out that a lot more people that I think read this blog, which is pretty good! So, I was inspired to pass on my wisdom.
- We moved! I spent the first few weeks battling cockroaches. They were the size of my head, no joke. How the hell do they grow that big?! I have this condition where once I see a very large cockroach, my body shuts down. So I can’t do anything a normal person would do when they see vermin. I spent the second few weeks cursing the previous tenants. They were possibly the filthiest people in the world. I don’t think they ever cleaned the place when they lived there. Surely the owner should have wanted to have then assassinated? I would do that. If people lived in my house, I’d expect them to at least clean the bathrooms. Actually, don’t even bother doing it when you live there, but just make sure you return it semi-clean! Too much to ask for?
- I started yogurt production. Just once. I thought it was great actually, but just too much effort, when the alternative is ready-made. I also discovered there’s a trick to maneuvering the milk-packet. You snip and end off, like a really tiny bit, and then you grab the bag like you would an udder (I must add, I have not grabbed many an udder but I will assume this is how one must do so…) and you flip the packet so the milk pours out in this beautiful double-helix shape. Seriously, I shed a tear, it’s so pretty. I then spent some time contemplating how things like this always amaze me.
- While my driving got better, my road rage is far worse. People just really piss me off. Like those damn auto rickshaw and bus drivers. If I were Dexter, I want some of these guys dumped in the sea. They notice you’re a woman driver, and then take the piss by trying to ram into your car, while laughing at you as you try figure out how to get out of there. There was one bus driver that leered at me through his window the whole time he was forcing me off the road. Yeah I hope something very bad happens to him.
- I have a trip to the much hated dentist coming up – this evening. Oh my God. My wisdom teeth are apparently growing every way but the right way, and need to come out. Why do we even need those teeth? Sounds a bit like the appendix. If you can function without them, why do you need them in the first place? Perhaps a second liver, to battle alcohol poisoning maybe of more use (to some…not me alright). Anyway, so while I’m not very worried about the actual extraction, as I’m sure there will be drugs involved and the dentist is meant to know his stuff, it’s more the talking that I’m wary of…the husband and the dentist are friends, meaning they could get chatty. I hope they do not.
My visit to the gynecologist was a bit like that – chatty. Not what you want really is it? There I was, pant-less, lying on a bed that multiple women would have also used (urgh), waiting for the doctor to do her business, but instead she’s sat there chatting away like the husband and her are friends that date back all the way to the womb. Jeez lady, I’m-a-waiiiting! They spoke about receptions and weddings, and who wore what, and where the food was better. Yeah, very interesting, great goss’, honestly. Do it on your own time. I have more important things to do, like put my jeans back on.
So, highlights in 4 bullet points. That is skill.