Leave me alone, thankyouplease.

I get home from work around 5pm everyday, dreading the 60 seconds I’ll have to spend dealing with the ridiculous watchman who “guards” our building. I think it’s his sole purpose in life to make my life miserable every damn afternoon.

He has this habit of shouting out “rightleftNOotherrightNOdriveforwards!” every time I reverse my car into our parking spot. He seems to believe he’s the ruler of said parking spot and takes it very personally if I park too close to the left. He then spends the next 10 minutes speaking to no one in particular about how I don’t understand him, and won’t park how he wants me to, all the while standing too close to my door, so I can’t bloody get out my car. If I park in the middle, leaving equal space on both sides, apparently the milk man will be devastated. If I park too much to the left, the fat ladies who live upstairs won’t be able to wiggle their booties past mine and flat number 1’s car. Too close to the right, and well, that’s fine, but ‘what if people want to walk on the right‘ he asks?

Well then Mr. Watchman, where in bleeding Madras do you want me to park my car?

I want to get him fired. I’m trying to figure out how. I’ve noticed he doesn’t speak to the fat ladies in the same angry tone of voice he uses with me. I reckon he’s secretly pissed because we haven’t hired him to wash our cars, and all the other people in our building have. (Funny that, since everyone in the building is just rude)

Well, whatcha gona do…

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