Road rage

A week ago, after a hellish day, all I wanted to do was go home, make a fabulous cup of tea, each cake and watch Dexter kill people with hammers. Instead, I get to my car and find that some ASSHOLE has parked his massive jeep super close to my car, blocking it completely.


I can’t reverse it out, because of the car behind it. I can’t go forwards either, because of the car in front of it. Fuck parallel parking. I mean, seriously?! All I wanted to do was find the jeep guy and hit him in the head with a hub cap. Multiple times. Why would anyone in their right mind think it was okay to block someone else in when there is so much more parking all around?! After attempting to find the guy for about an hour (no one would even clamp his car, or tow it!), I gave up and got a rickshaw home, leaving my car behind. And got fleeced too, naturally. Obviously my Tamil isn’t Tamil enough for these bleddy drivers.

The whole ride home, all I could think of was how I need to destroy that guys jeep. I could buy some paint and pour it all over his car. That kind of paint that doesn’t go away easily. Ha. Or I could, if I had one, use a baseball bat, or a cricket one to beat his windows in, like they do in films. Or, I could key his car, and write rude things all over it. (I really was not a happy bunny that afternoon) We returned super late at night to pick my car up and found that Mr. Ass Hole still had his jeep parked by my car. Luckily, the one in front of me had left, so I could drive out. I was good and didn’t destroy his car. We may have let the air out of a wheel or two though.

Driving really does make me angry. It’s just so infuriating when people around you drive like idiots, and expect you to have to put up with them. Take people walking on the roads for example. They walk around like they own the streets and just to make you angry, walk right in front of your car (cow syndrome), on a bloody highway! Do they want to die? I wish we could run them over, and then stop, roll down the window and say, yeah, that’s right, do that again and next time I’ll reverse over your broken body too.

Then there’s super fast drivers.  The road has more craters than the moon, and he’s going Fast and the Furious on me. What the hell! I’m quite happy not destroying my car, feel free to over take me. But no, they aren’t satisfied with that, they tail you or try to drive you off the side, just to piss you off. They deserve to crash and die. The super slow drivers are just as bad. They’re those middle-of-the-road drivers, that won’t let a bee past them even though they’re in a stupid pygmy size Tata Nano. That ridiculous car fits in a shoe box. Do you seriously need the whole road? Pick a side! Worst habit they have is that they stop randomly (like the rickshaws). No lights, no traffic cop, not even a cow in sight, but they just step on the breaks when ever they feel a fart coming along. And you never know when to expect that. Crash worthy? Yea, I think they deserve death. Maybe slow and painful, like their driving.

Wishing death on other people aside, dear brother of mine was right, you have to drive like a maniac to not be killed. It’s the only way you won’t get your brains smeared over tarmac by a school bus.

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